The Hyrulian Valhalla Saga: Stories 83 - 85

His Imperial Highness, Vio The Great

As previously mentioned, having no need for rupees once they'd passed into the beyond, the Heroes had to get creative with any wagers they'd make. In that respect, the Hero split apart by the Four Sword was by far the most creative. This was even true - especially true, one could say - concerning bets made amongst his alternate personas. Perhaps they simply forgot that they were competing with themselves, or perhaps it was some strange sense of masochism - whatever the reason, it still couldn't adequately explain why Vio was lounging on a bench surrounded by his other selves, who were waiting on him hand and foot in color-coded harem costumes.

Green frowned deeply as he fanned Vio with his palm leaf. "I knew we shouldn't have let you pick the punishment game," he grumbled.

"Maybe you should just get better at card games," sneered Vio. He snapped his fingers, prompting Red to pick a grape off of its stem and drop it into his mouth.

"Hey, look at the bright side," said Red sheepishly, fingering the sheer red sleeves of his belly dress, "at least we can feel pretty while embarrassing ourselves...!"

Blue stopped rubbing Vio's feet as he shot a terrifying glare in Red's direction. "Oh, look, someone thinks they're a comedian!"

"Did I tell you to stop, peasant?" spat Vio as he opened one eye to give Blue a glare of his own.

Reluctantly continuing his work, Blue gritted his teeth and growled. "If there is a way to kill someone who is already dead," he said as menacingly as he could with a glittery velvet costume on, "I will find it. And I will use it. On you."

"Good luck with that," Vio replied with a smirk. Just as he was about to get comfortable again, he heard footsteps approaching. He took another peek to see Light and Engie staring in pure bewilderment at the scene. He smiled smugly and waved. "Oh, hey, guys."

Engie blinked a few times before speaking. "Uh... do we want to know what this is about?"

Light simply grinned, trying his best to keep his laughter contained, then crossed his arms. "I think we should definitely hear the story behind this, Engie." He turned to Green. "What'd you guys lose at to have to do this?"

Green scowled, turning bright red at Light's mockery. "Crazy Eights."

"Vio won," continued Red, "and now we have to - " Vio cleared his throat loudly, causing Red to stammer. "Oh! Uh, I mean, His Imperial Highness, Vio the Great won, and now we have to be his personal servants for a day."

"Were the dresses a part of that?" chuckled Light.

"Unfortunately," affirmed Green.

Slowly beginning to appreciate the humor in the situation as Light did, Engie smirked. "...So where'd you get those dresses, anyway? They're awfully, heheh, flattering on you guys."

Blue reached over to Red's bowl of grapes, grabbed a handful from the stem, and tossed them at the other two Heroes. "Go get swallowed by a like-like!!" he cried.

Engie and Light simply laughed as they deflected the grapes with their arms. "You know, Engie," said the elder of the two, "we ought to get Wind and his pictograph box over here, don't you think?"

"Good idea! Let's go see what he's up to - he's got to see this for himself...!"

They ran off, leaving Blue in a fuming rage, Green steaming red from embarrassment, and Red feeling a little bit offended. Green gave his "master" a dirty look. "Now look what you've done - they're going to take pictures!"

Vio simply laughed. "Let them - I'll frame it, and then we can all remember the day Vio the Great came out on top!" He snapped his fingers once more and, again, Red popped a grape into his mouth.

---

Obligatory Halloween Chapter

When Time first arrived in the afterlife, he had brought with him all of his keepsakes, including most of the masks he had acquired in Termina. He also brought with him memories of the holiday he never quite got to participate in during his stay in that alternate world; which was why every year, around the same time that Clock Town held its Carnival of Time, he would celebrate with them by wearing masks. Eventually, his predecessors adopted the practice, and by the time the others arrived it had become a well established tradition to create and wear masks, set off fireworks, and gorge themselves on all kinds of sweets and baked goods, just like the inhabitants of Hyrule's twin realm.

Usually, the Heroes decided on themes for all of their masks to have; this year, it was villains, and each Link had to create a mask of one of the major bad guys they had vanquished in life. Of course, the easiest thing to do for most of them would have been to make a mask of Ganon in one incarnation or another, so to make things more interesting they disqualified him as a choice. The result was a colorful, creepy assortment of evil overlords and ghastly creatures sitting around a fire, eating their customary treats while they waited for midnight to roll around.

Light moved his Agahnim mask upwards so he could stuff a giant wad of pumpkin bread (which Sky's Zelda had so graciously baked for them from an old Skyloftian recipe) in his mouth. Once he gulped it down, he looked over to Brown and Green. "So how come you guys ended up with the same mask, huh?"

"It's not the same mask," grumbled Brown indignantly through the pitch black, red-eyed mask, "I didn't know he was gonna pick Shadow Link, too!"

"I didn't have a choice!" whined Green, who wore a very similar mask, "We couldn't pick Ganon, and Mini was gonna pick Vaati! I thought Brown would pick Thunderbird or something!"

Duo munched happily on some candied almonds, his mask of Twinrova sitting in his lap. "I think you both did a great job on your masks regardless," he said.

"Not as good as Twilight," said Wind, whose Bellum mask was basically a giant eyeball with some more eyeballs attached to it with string, as he looked towards said Link. "That must have taken you weeks to do!"

Twilight chuckled, though his voice was muffled through the massive headpiece he'd carefully crafted to look like Zant's. "Thanks! It was a pain in the rear to make."

"Engie's is pretty good too," added Mini, whose mask was, indeed, of Vaati. "The removable hats were a nice touch."

Engie laughed, pulling one of two green top hats off, revealing the horns that topped his mask of Chancellor Cole. "I know! Pretty cool if I do say so myself."

Swallowing a chewy chocolate candy, Time, whose replica of Majora's Mask had been repositioned to the top of his head, grinned at the others. "I think I can safely say that everybody looks pretty creepy tonight," he said cheerfully.

"Except for Sky over there," teased Brown, pointing to his predecessor. "What are you, some kind of weird clown?"

Offended, Sky removed his mask and pouted. "I thought I told you about Ghirahim, Brown."

"You told me he was a demon lord, not a circus freak!"

Some of the newer Heroes - the ones who hadn't heard all of Sky's stories about Ghirahim - laughed at Brown's joke. After a moment's thought, however, Sky got an idea. He smiled wickedly, then put his mask back on.

"Then clearly I haven't told you the whole story," he said with a creepy edge to his voice. He stood. "Don't let appearances deceive you, Brown - he may have looked like a rejected circus act, yes, but behind that tacky makeup was a bloodthirsty sadist - a weapon in every sense of the word who would have wanted nothing more than to make you suffer."

The giggling Links fell silent as Sky theatrically crept around and knelt behind Brown, wiggling his fingers as he took his shoulders in his hands.

"You ought to thank your creator goddesses that he was defeated, because if he were here right now..." Sky chuckled darkly as he began to paraphrase his former nemesis. "...He would beat you within an inch of your life, then torture you until your ears bleed from the sound of your own screams!!"

He lifted the mask just enough to lash his tongue out at Brown, who screeched and fell over with his arms flailing about. Sky broke character and laughed brightly, along with all of the other Heroes, and Brown picked himself up, brushing off his tunic and turning beet red under his mask.

"Okay, all right," he grumbled, "point taken."

Twilight reached over, offering Sky a high five for his performance. "Nice one!" he laughed.

"Thanks!" The elder Hero raised his hand to return the gesture, when a sudden pop and a bright light interrupted him. He lifted his mask again and looked up at the sky. "Wow, is it midnight already?"

"Guess so!" answered Light, taking a cookie from a bag and eating it. The others followed suit - removing their masks, they watched as fireworks colored the starry night skies of their heavenly realm.

---

Dear Diary

"Green!" called Engie breathlessly as he rushed over, clutching a small, leather-bound book in his hand and waving it around over his head.  "Green, I got it!"

Green looked up, breaking into a big grin when he saw the book.  "No way," he said, "you got Sky's diary?"

The younger Hero stopped in front of Green and nodded furiously.  "Yeah, that lazy bum was keeping it in his pillowcase."  He smirked.  "What a lousy hiding spot!"

Chuckling, Green took the book from Engie's hands.  "Yeah, he may be the eldest, but he's still an airhead sometimes."  He looked down at the diary in expectation.  "I bet this thing has eons' worth of juicy secrets!"

"Yeah, and who knows?" added Engie with a mischievous wink, "We may find dirt on the others, too!"

"Yeah!"  Undoing the small clasp on the cover, Green opened the book and flipped to the first page.  When the two saw what was written, however, their faces immediately fell.

"Um," said Engie after a short moment of silence, "is that supposed to be Hylian?  I can't read it…"

"No," answered Green as he flipped through the pages, "it's the Skyloftian alphabet!"  He scowled, unable to find even a single paragraph written in modern Hylian.  "That sneaky bastard wrote it this way on purpose - he knew none of the rest of us would be able to read it…!"

"And the only people we could ask to translate it are Sky's friends," Engie said with a pout, "and they'd tell him for sure!"

Green let out a loud, irritated sigh and slammed the book shut.  "Well this is just great!"  He handed it to the other Link.  "Engie, go put this back where you found it before Sky notices it's gone."

"Okay."  Engie took the diary, then chuckled a little.  "So much for being an airhead, huh?  Seems to me he's smarter than you thought."

"You learn something new every day," grumbled Green as he sulked off, leaving Engie to try and return the diary before they got caught with it.